Category: nonfiction

Ten years in the making….

OK, it wasn’t ten years, but it sure feels like ten years. I had to pester and prod 40+ contributors and — despite having flunked math — that’s  a lot of people. Then, of course, I had to try and cram in all human knowledge into 116 pages — no easy task, take my word for it. Not to mention a boatload of illustrations. All this material was piled sky-high on my desk and i had to sort through it all and ALPHABETIZE the entries!  Imagine what a chore that was. But that was just the beginning…the goddamn thing had to be placed in the layout and made to look like it all made sense — had an inherent structure, justified typography, and cross references — even freaking footnotes!!

It should all have been proofread, too, but I didn’t have the time for that, thank you very much.

If anybody asks  if you’d like to edit an encyclopedia…tell them to go to hell.

Oh, but don’t get me wrong…this is a book you’ll surely want to own and give as a gift. Heck, what better gift  than the gift of knowledge, right?

You can order the book as we speak at this LINK …  tell ’em Norman sent you.

On second thought, tell them Diderot.  (Look him up.)

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UBU RAW

bus

Here’s a snippet from the transcript of my play. You can read the complete text in #216 of Le Scat Noir which is NOW AVAILABLE as a free download here.

UBU RAW: As You Like It

Unedited Transcript by Norman Conquest

Young Will and King Ubu Trump are gazing out the window of a  parked coach.

 YOUNG WILL: (sighing):  She’s still very beautiful, sire.

UBU: Let me tell you a sad tale that, to this day, troubles my soul. Once upon a time, on the Beach of the Palms, I moved on her like a feral woodchuck.

YOUNG WILL: Whoa! You did? Horny King Ubu! Yaa-haa!

UBU: I groveled, I  pawed, I nibbled,  dribbled and groped. I slobbered ‘pon  her pale flesh as at a royal feast, and yet…. And yet!… I failed!  (Bows head in shame.) Yes, yes,   I loathe to confess that I, King Ubu, did not score. How monstrous that this player here, in a scheme of passion,  was rebuffed by a common wench. Though I did my very best. Imagine!  A small-bosomed whore, spurning the advances of the  king!

YOUNG WILL: Whoa, impossible! A madwoman crossed the royal path.
UBU: Mad, tis true. And the bloom was off the virgin, too–she was married. A slut!…

***END OF EXCERPT***