Category: nonfiction

UBU RAW

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Here’s a snippet from the transcript of my play. You can read the complete text in #216 of Le Scat Noir which is NOW AVAILABLE as a free download here.

UBU RAW: As You Like It

Unedited Transcript by Norman Conquest

Young Will and King Ubu Trump are gazing out the window of a  parked coach.

 YOUNG WILL: (sighing):  She’s still very beautiful, sire.

UBU: Let me tell you a sad tale that, to this day, troubles my soul. Once upon a time, on the Beach of the Palms, I moved on her like a feral woodchuck.

YOUNG WILL: Whoa! You did? Horny King Ubu! Yaa-haa!

UBU: I groveled, I  pawed, I nibbled,  dribbled and groped. I slobbered ‘pon  her pale flesh as at a royal feast, and yet…. And yet!… I failed!  (Bows head in shame.) Yes, yes,   I loathe to confess that I, King Ubu, did not score. How monstrous that this player here, in a scheme of passion,  was rebuffed by a common wench. Though I did my very best. Imagine!  A small-bosomed whore, spurning the advances of the  king!

YOUNG WILL: Whoa, impossible! A madwoman crossed the royal path.
UBU: Mad, tis true. And the bloom was off the virgin, too–she was married. A slut!…

***END OF EXCERPT***